Longing for School and Busyness

[Disclaimer: It’s late. I’m tired. So sorry for the terribly written post.]

The university here just started their fall semester yesterday. As I drove through the campus yesterday just passing by, watching the crowds of people commuting between classes by foot or by bike, I found myself wishing that I, too, was in school. Perhaps I am an exception to the norm, an outlier of a nerd. But really. I cannot wait until term begins.

But since the Fall quarter is not due to start until the middle of September, I have found myself trying to make up for the lack of school by planning out my weekly schedule and thinking obsessively about course registration. Except for one class, which is dependent on luck in a lottery system, I believe I have my classes all lined up. I’ve planned my study time and social time around lectures and have essentially outlined every day of the upcoming term down to the minute. It’s quite insane, actually. Ironically, the insanity of this scheduling is keeping me sane.

This summer, though better than last summer, has been a constant battle to keep myself busy. For me, to be busy is to keep my sanity. And to see a sparse to-do list is to lose my head completely. I have not yet mastered the art of doing nothing, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around the concept of vacation. Perhaps it’s my fear that if I don’t keep it working, my brain will turn to mush. I don’t really know. I guess keeping myself occupied is a superficial way of convincing myself that my life is not completely useless and that during the days I walk this earth, I have actually done something with my time.

Today, I meant to go to bed around 9. I was tired and sure enough, by 9:30 I was in bed, tucked under my humongous super-heavy down comforter. But my brain didn’t seem to want to calm down. So I got out my journal and started writing about things. When I was relatively satisfied with the quantity of text, I wrapped the elastic back around the leather cover of my Moleskine and put the cap on my pen. But still, I was restless. I didn’t really understand why. I usually have very little trouble falling asleep but tonight… tonight there was just too much on my mind. It’s odd. So then I got out my laptop, brought up my blog dashboard, and began to write. And so here I am. Churning out random thoughts that are probably ridiculously disjoint and nonsensical and not even worth posting. But oh, well. Here I am.

I think what I need is a to-do list for tomorrow. And then I can go to bed in peace, knowing that I have a list of things to do lined up, waiting to be done when I wake up in the morning.

To-Do:

Clean boxes of books
Clean dresser (re-fold clothing in more organized fashion)
Clean room until spotless
Do laundry
Vacuum
Buy contact lens solution
Read 50+ pages of Infinite Jest
Write 1000+ words
Post a snippet on creative writing group blog and respond to other posts
Keep up on Facebook duties
Call people
Organize email inbox
Practice violin
Do stretches and exercises prescribed by physical therapist
Read Flaubert’s Parrot
Read Naming the World and perhaps pick a writing exercise
Journal and blog
Write and send letters

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~ by thechanster on 11:55 pm, Tuesday, August 25, 2009.

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