This Summer’s Waning Away

As my suitcases get fuller and fuller, I am only just beginning to register that this summer is coming to an end. Before I know it, I will be flying back to college, returning to the wonders and dramas of dorm life, and running from class to the library to work and back again, my schedule piled up with places to be and people to meet. And after a three-month summer that has been so focused on doing the things I didn’t have time to do during the school year, I’m afraid that the sudden jolt back to academic life will be overwhelming.

Since June, I have spent my days recovering from sleep debt (which, comparatively speaking, was not all that significant) and letting my ample free time glide by undisturbed. Hours were spent lounging outside on the porch, writing and reading. But not all days were spent in solitary relaxation; with my newly free schedule, I finally had the time to spend time with friends I had not seen in months. It was lovely: no pressure to read before an upcoming lecture, no deadlines flying in faster than I could keep up, no guilt when I took the time to actually enjoy life.

I’ve gotten to know a few of my friends more than I had in high school. It’s an incredible feeling to get to see and appreciate someone as more than just an acquaintance. People never fail to surprise me in their amazingness, their quirks, their beings. It’s really quite something to open your heart and let people in.

There are, of course, the times when people disappoint you, but I like to think that everyone is good at heart. That is not to say that we should befriend everyone we meet and let them in on the most personal aspects of our lives. In fact, I think trust is one of the things I have learned to be more careful about doling out. It’s such a precious thing, and I think that handing it out like free samples is too much of a risk to take. For me, at least.

But this is not to say that we should guard it with moat, a stone wall, and an army of archers. It’s good to trust, and despite the emotional risk, it feels good to know that there are people out there who will catch you when you fall. Trust is a wonderful thing and I guess what I am beginning to learn is this: that there are people out there who will surprise you, for better or for worse. Judge too quickly and you may turn away someone who could be one of your closest, most trustworthy friends. Trust too easily and your heart may feel like it has suddenly been thrown out on a line, the cord ripping at the fragile lining that keeps you whole. I guess what I need to learn is where and when to draw the line.

But for all the ups and downs of these last few months, I think I am, in general, glad of the way things turned out. I have learned, I have experienced, I have felt. I wish I could write about the events of my summer so that one day, when I reread journal entries, I can immerse myself in these wonders. But I guess some feelings can only be preserved in memory, and for that, I am grateful. We at least have our brain and our heart and the rest of our organs to lock in the experiences of our past. There are, of course, things I wished had not happened, and as for those, I guess what I need to learn now is how to forgive.

Before I know it, I will be back to the thrills of a college girl’s busyness. There will be classes to attend, notes to sort through, essays to write, problem sets to do, people to tutor, and, most importantly, friends to keep and make. Perhaps my sleep hours will be reduced. And perhaps my schedule will go from open time-slots to pages of hasty scribbles. But really, it’s all a part of life and experience and I’d really hate to see everything go by in an unhappy blur.

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~ by thechanster on 9:40 pm, Wednesday, September 16, 2009.

One Response to “This Summer’s Waning Away”

  1. Char, you are so mature :) I also am sorry that you feel your ability to trust has been somewhat compromised. I can understand why, but I think your ability to trust so easily, was one of your greatest gifts. I’ve never been able to trust easily. As a matter of fact, I find it very difficult to trust people most of the time…I’m not quite sure why. Although, perhaps relatedly, once I do trust someone, I think I trust them with a devotion and strength that is somewhat uncommon. Does that sound egoistical? I hope not…I don’t mean it to be. In some ways, this degree of trust makes the occasional falls all that much worse…

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